Article
Two: Emotional Intelligence – principle 2 – RESTRAINT by
Gaynor Lowndes
I discussed in my last article the principle of awareness. We know that emotions play a far greater role in our interaction with others than we first imagined and we also know that we have the freedom to choose our response to any given situation. Let’s now look at the arrow principles again.
Emotional Intelligence can be defined using ARROW:
Awareness – Being aware of how your personality impacts others
Restraint – Identifying negative emotions that can cause damage
Resilience – Developing an optimistic, persistent nature
Others (empathy) – Developing an emotional radar
Working with others (rapport) – Communication, active listening
Restraint means identifying negative emotions that can affect your relationships and replacing them with rational responses that will hold back negative emotions. Restraint keeps your emotions in check. Restraint also lets us practice patience when needed in a situation rather than pushing ahead at the risk of damaging a relationship. The degree to which we react to certain situations is regulated by our own levels of emotional intelligence. Those of us that have under developed restraint tend to suffer from lots of anger, frustration and ultimately stress.
Has there ever been a time for you that you have lay awake in bed wishing that you hadn’t behaved in a certain way? Have you ever over reacted to a situation or client or candidate? If you have then you need to look at your levels of restraint. Restraint is about being aware of the body’s reaction to angry or stressful situations and knowing how to manage the process effectively.
When anger builds, our body automatically sends out a chemical response. This chemical response is designed to protect us – the fight or flight principle. However, this reaction can do us great harm when misplaced. How do we overcome these automatic responses? Do or say nothing until your body normalises. After the initial rush of emotion, your rational process will start to surface and you will begin to cool off. Emotionally intelligent people understand that they can’t control their body’s initial reaction but they can control their response to it. The old saying “count to 10” probably came from an emotionally intelligent person!
Don’t become confrontational with clients and co-workers, even if you believe that you have been adequately provoked. Just ask for time to look into the problem. The other person is expecting a fight and by not giving them one you are actually winning. Own your reactions – don’t blame others for letting anger get the best of you.
Emotionally intelligent individuals release the demands they make on others that cause them to feel persistent anger.
Another point that I would like to make on restraint is if you are not sure how to react to a given situation – don’t react at all. For example, you have filled a senior role and the fee is large. You believe that you have provided great service, however your client telephones you to tell you that he/she is not paying your bill. Do you immediately become confrontational?
Remember that you have the power to choose your reaction. Someone with highly developed restraint would ensure they understood completely the client’s point of view and then ask for time to consider. They would choose their reaction instead of allowing their body to dictate their reaction by becoming angry.
Practicing restraint is something most of us need to do more of. The very nature of our jobs means that we are constantly thrown into unfamiliar territory – ensure that you choose your reaction and practice the principle of restraint. Remember that practice makes perfect!
Gaynor Lowndes, the Managing Director of The Recruitment Training Company, has over 18 years recruitment experience, gained in both Australia and the UK. Her first book called “the Art of Recruitment” is quickly becoming the recruiter’s bible. It is available on her website
www.trtc.com.au.
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