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Article: How
to Build Rapport by Stephen Hart
In
this article I am going to look at communication that helps build
rapport with people. Rapport in this instance is about bringing
people closer together and creating a feeling of understanding and
connection. In other words your communication builds rapport when
the people you are speaking to feel closer and more in tune with
you.
Use
their words – a powerful rapport building technique is to use the
other persons words. Let me illustrate by example:
Person
A describes an experience they have just had with a friend –
“That was thrilling!”
Person
B (who also experienced the same event) replies – “Yes that was
exciting!”
The
problem here is that to Person A the words ‘thrilling’ and
‘exciting’ might well have different meanings. As a result they
might not feel that Person B had exactly the same experience. The
change in words creates a barrier in the communication. At least
from the perspective of rapport building, of being connected.
Everyone
has their own internal definition for all words and by using the
other persons words in a conversation with them we send the message
that we truly understand and are truly talking about the same
experiences.
So
to be clear in the above example it would have been more powerful
from a rapport building perspective for Person B to say: “Yes that
was thrilling!”
Naturally
this might not actually be the opinion of Person B however if Person
B is looking to bond and connect with Person A then they would be
well advised to use the same words!
Ask
questions – I’ve spent nearly a decade in the recruitment
industry, first as a head-hunter and now as a trainer and coach.
Consequently asking questions has been part of my job for years! One
of the things I have noticed about questions is that, outside of
recruitment, people simply don’t ask enough of them.
People
generally like other people to show an interest in them. By asking
questions you show that you are interested in them. I’m not
suggesting you interrogate people rather express a level of interest
in them.
For
example the other day I was buying a coffee when I noticed that the
man behind me in the queue had a really great pair of boots on. I
complimented him on them and asked him where he had got them. From
looking a bit surprised that a total stranger would speak to him he
suddenly looked very happy. It turned out that the boots were a
birthday present from his fiancé and he’d managed to get the last
pair, in his size, in stock. He was very happy to share the story.
The
conversation lasted only a moment but it was a positive experience
that couldn’t have happened without a question being asked.
Speak
at their level - not everyone has the same command of the English
language. Rapport is a great word and I know what I mean by it
however at the beginning of this article I clarified its meaning for
those readers who might not have come across it before.
There
is nothing wrong with not knowing the word ‘rapport’ or indeed
any other word. What is wrong is to assume that everyone understands
the words you do.
Good
communication is about accurately conveying information from one
person to another. A large part of building rapport through
communication is about having respect for the other person. This
includes respecting their educational level and language range.
A
good rule of thumb is to speak at a simple but competent level to
new people until you get a chance to gauge their grasp of English.
Some ideas and events can only be shared through more advanced
language which then simply requires new or more unusual words to be
clarified and explained.
Intelligent
Listening – this is a big topic in itself however for now let me
mention one element of it. It is important to clearly indicate that
you are listening to the other person whether you are communicating
face to face or over the phone or internet.
Use
verbal nods such as ‘Ah ha’, ‘yes’, ‘really’; to show
that you are truly listen to the other person. When face to face
with the person use body language and eye contact to clearly show
that you are listening.
When
people speak they want to be listened to and in some instances need
to be listened to. Every wife and girlfriend in the world can no
doubt tell stories of when their partners were not listening to them
and how bad that felt! And every husband and boyfriend in the world
can no doubt tell stories of when their partners thought they
weren’t listening when in fact they were and how annoying that
felt!
The
point is; not visibly listening destroys rapport!
Stephen
Hart is a corporate trainer and coach. He is the owner of
Edenchanges and can be contacted at www.edenchanges.com
or on 01757 249 380
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